There was this time Susan and that other friend who ditched me on Thanksgiving (J.J.M. in case you forgot) went Christmas shopping cause that’s just how we celebrate the birth of the savior of the world and I kept yelling “Susan! Susan!” really loud from a few aisles over in every store whenever I thought I spotted a great deal. Then Susan was “acting” like she was embarrassed by it, but I could tell she really liked it. I had spent a lot of time preparing by printing out tons of coupons, but that is so old-school because all you have to do is show your smart phone, only I don’t have any sort of phone, not even an-average-intelligence-and-that’s-ok-phone.
Well, that reminds me of the time I forgot to print the coupons because it was July and there was no way I was gonna leave without my freakin’ discount because there was something like $14 at stake, so I went a few doors down and borrowed the smart phone of the people who run my favorite Chinese restaurant that I have been patronizing for twenty years, so I practically paid for their smart phone, anyway, by eating there all the time. I could tell they didn’t really want to loan me their phone to go to another store, but they were hardly in a position to say no, either, or risk losing my business. I promptly brought the phone back and showed them the receipt so they could see what they’d helped me save. Despite the fact that they are way richer than me, I could tell they appreciated my bargain-hunting skills.