Fried Chicken & Lentils

Everyday Life with Jodie and Susan

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I Think We Can All Agree That Hair Size Equals Economic Prosperity and Moral Standards

My last post a few weeks ago was a hard-hitting expose on the impacts of the economic downturn on our blog, which I scientifically measured by checking how many poor saps were still reading it even though we never post anymore (don’t worry, poor saps, here is another piece of Marie Antoinette’s cake for you from one poor sap to another-that is, my blog is the mythical cake you are supposed to be eating when you have no bread–is this analogy just really going off the rails here or what?).  However, with my keen powers of observation, I have detected another measure of the societal ills we face, specifically, lack of big hair.

That’s right. Hair size has been on a steady decrease since the 1980’s until girls are forced to go out and purchase flatteners or straighteners or whatever they call those heinous devices to completely take any poufiness out of their hair, until it is as flat as the hair from the 60’s that had to be ironed on a ironing board, which led to all manner of licentious 60’s behavior and the general unraveling of traditional society as we know it.  Once again, it was up to us 80’s kids to uphold morality and hair volume with only our pure hearts, curling irons, and huge cans of Aquanet.

I have been looking at class pictures lately and have noticed this decline in hair size (and good behavior and economic power-they’re all related) since the 80’s.  And I believe I have finally found the cause for all our problems.


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Free Blog Post for the Blogless

It certainly is hard times and you can tell because even though Susan and I never post anymore, there are still sometimes ten people a day lurking around this broke-down old blog dumpster looking for blog crusts.  It reminds me of the depression when my grandma could barely afford to keep her blog up and had to wrap it in old bread sacks and hide it under her mattress.  She would have shot and ate her blog if she could have.  Well, here’s a few simple lines I’ve written, hoping they’ll keep your little recession hearts warm.  God bless us, everyone.

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That Susan has what I tend to think of as such an elegant, aristocratic soul.  For example, yesterday she composed a lovely paraphrase of a famous poem quite spontaneously.  I can hardly reproduce its beauty here, but it was something like “Stopping by the woods to pee on a snowy evening…my friend wonders why we’ve stopped.”  It takes a really good mind to be able to compose poetry on the spot like that.